Umbrella’s lighter offshoot

Jennifer Bullis

Originally from high-desert Nevada, Jennifer Bullis relishes living in Bellingham, Washington, which receives three-and-a-half feet of rain per year.

She teaches community-college writing and literature, and with her husband, Mark, is happy parent to a horse, four cats, and one smallish human, John Benjamin, healthy and all smiles, above.

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Exit Strategy

Right now we have to start drafting it. Clearly,
we were not intended for parenthood.
You grow fangs when deprived of sleep.
I turned into a pumpkin at twelve
weeks pregnant and never did
get my horses back. We are too
old for this. We’ll pick one of those
valiant young couples who cannot
conceive and find a lawyer to draw
down our checking account. Motherhood:
I cannot get the house slipper to fit.
Fatherhood: your business plan did not
account for colic or the poison apples
from your stepmother. I am a wolf
in Mama Bear’s clothing, and all of us sick
from the porridge gone cold. Let’s
swaddle the little bean in warm, soft cash
and cut some better folks a deal.