Umbrella’s lighter offshoot


Chris Childers
Jan D. Hodge
Rose Kelleher
Frank Osen
Robert Schechter
Marion Shore

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A Beer and a Bard

by various authors

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
That moldy cheese is way beyond its date mark.

Let not my love be called idolatry.
I dote on her because she worships me!

The expense of spirit in a waste of shame—
Reality TV’s next new prime-time game.

When in disgrace with Fortune and men’s eyes,
Relax. Go home. Get naked. Have some pies.

They that have power to hurt, and will do none
Are by the less high-minded soon undone.

I wasted time and now doth time waste me
and oy, my waistline spreads to 43.

O that this too too solid flesh would melt,
Thaw, resolve itself, and make me svelte.

O how much more doth beauty beauteous seem
after a couple tumblers of Jim Beam.

When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
Someone brings his bongos, I’m distraught.

There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which people drown in every now and then.

The soul of this man is in his clothes.
That's Calvin Klein who dapper before me goes.

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears,
And give it up for BRITNEY SPEARS!